hermenoodle / Entries tagged with christianity

I find myself overthinking so much on whether I post enough or if something is perfect enough to show. I know I need to get over that. Also the way I overthink about how to practice my creative pursuits is a bother in itself: I ignore starting off small, but drawing this little piece today on a small sheet of toned paper...

A profile of a young Black woman with curly hair looking pensive, drawn in charcoal on toned paper.

Shiloh looking pensive here.

It had me thinking that there is a point in starting off small for the sake of my brain to focus well. In some sense, projects I've done in school were the same way. The way I managed those well was because I broke them down into smaller sections that were a part of the bigger picture. Even so, that can even apply to writing, or even iterative drawing, which I indeed miss doing in order to improve my work. I even think practicing certain steps to get used to it naturally may also help before I jump to the exciting little details I want to doctor on so bad. So, there's definitely a need to change that area of my thinking.

That actually gets me to how in my Bible study recently about the call of changing one's mind, otherwise known as repentance. The need to change one's mind when it comes to settled ways that are comfortable for us when they're detrimental to our relationship with God, other people, and ourselves. For me, my repentance should aim for more intentional practice and transparency of that, unafraid to build more of my work publicly (despite the annoying AI stuff running amuck online). If I call myself an artist, I should let that art be seen, even if there's inaccuracies (even above, I see that I could have done more shading, but alas I did not).

Maybe I should also take notes. Lay out how I see my colors. Test out different textures and media I use. I do want to use my materials a bit more broadly and put my brain to work in experimenting more freely.

So, I pray for inner change and outer change in this respect.

mood: thoughtful

Happy Easter, everyone! Christos anesti! Glad to add a little drawing for the occasion. angel smiley with a halo and wings

So, today is that day where Jesus got up with all power in his hands. Also today, I was mainly working in the church kitchen making sure the breakfast biscuits were ready for people at church to feast upon for our big Easter brunch after service. I enjoyed being with everyone after some stressful weeks I've had with a health issue, but I am staying positive about it until this week is finished. Hopefully, I will see more positive results of it wearing off soon.

Otherwise, a lot of stuff has happened since my last journal: my birthday happened (that was a fun outing), my mom's birthday happened (that's when I had my emergency, but she was okay with it), I was featured in my local magazine, and I've got some opportunities here to locally help out more, so I am in need to get in touch with people a bit more...which is good! I look forward to these things.

Meanwhile, I haven't updated much to my things online. Though, I've gotten into a soap opera lately called Beyond the Gates, which I've been enjoying a good bit with my mom. I didn't think I'd get into one, but the subplots are genuinely interesting besides the whole “someone's in an affair with someone.” Rather, you see the fallout of said affairs play out with those affected by it, and the way others react to it as a community. Otherwise, my favorite subplot is that of the results of Ted's affair with Dana, also known as Leslie, and the supposed child that resulted: Eva, who now works as an assistant for Ted's wife, Nicole. As much as Eva was in on Leslie's plan to expose Ted, her heart has softened towards Ted and Nicole to not harshly expose the truth to the community when it could cost her everything...and not just her alone. Maybe I'll actually draw some fan art of Eva, since I also appreciate the makeup and styling of her clothing on the show. The actress, Ambyr Michelle, does a phenomenal job as Eva Thomas, probably does better than most of the younger actors on there.

mood: artistic

One thing I find a bit unfortunate about my personality is that I can be easily distracted when I have a good intention to using something new. I get too comfortable, and before I know it, I'm hooked into that thing in all the wrong ways. Such was myself on the likes of a number of websites. Sometimes I did well in deactivating my accounts and not returning. Other cases I returned, but I didn't go crazy like I did the time before. Or better yet, the atmosphere of whom I followed changed my way of interacting with it.

Today, I deleted one account, though I won't say where. I followed a few niche interests I found fascinating or helpful, but I still became attracted to groups and communities based on the latest news, thoughts, opinions, debates, pictures, and videos that took my attention away from what I wanted to do in making meaningful connections with my art. But much of this deals not just my tendency of being distracted and knocked back off of my intentions, but the innate aspect of my human nature that wants the knowledge of good and evil like God.

Truly a dramatic conclusion, but I am not wrong. Everyone has it in one way or another, and we deal with it according to how we interact with our flesh's senses, the world around us, and what we deem morally right or wrong.

For me as a Christian, the choice of following my flesh's impulses and desires versus aligning myself with the mind of Christ is the choice of dragging in negativity or thinking on what's good, lovely, and true. This doesn't mean that a Christian cannot think about hard things. In fact, some Christians are involved in making those things in appealing to the flesh to validate our knowledge of good and evil more than it does confirming what God's Spirit has witnessed in our spirits. I see that a lot on too many types of social media influencing much of the socio-political sphere, sadly, which has degraded the witness of Jesus Christ by own brothers and sisters in the faith. Our worship of God is not just mere praise and worship in church or other places, but it is also how we carry God's name in our interactions with each other, nature, and God.

Some social media, though, can provide positive communities if we truly commit ourselves to it in lifting each other up. In the same site I gave up, I remember a trending post which helped someone not rid of their life, but they gained new ones through people who then provided online and in person support to celebrate them on a special day. So, something like that is a very lovely, good, and true thing to see, and it's reflective of the goodness of God's image we bear to love and respect each other to change our perspectives to look forward to joy. Hopefully, they gained long lasting friendships out of it! smiley thumbs up

As for me, I've begun to take on a hobby for personally processing where I am spiritually in scrapbooking/art journaling. I don't think I'd bother really sharing such publicly, but it was nice doing such just to slow down more with my reflections with God (aside from little old Dreamwidth and Neocities, which I've grown to like). Sometimes resorting to hobbies you can do with your hands (or even do such initially first) is much better than just hashing out emotions and thoughts online for some things in the end. In the meantime, I'm trying to get back into the groove of traditional art forms I miss doing for some portfolio and practice pieces.

mood: contemplative

Lately, reading Psalms has been a good way to not merely refresh my memory about its contents but to help me be aware of the brevity and meaningful way to spend my life. Case in point: Psalm 90, said to be a psalm of Moses.

⁹For all our days have declined in Your fury;

We have finished our years like a sigh.

¹⁰As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years,

Or if due to strength, eighty years,

Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow;

For soon it is gone and we fly away.

¹¹Who understands the power of Your anger

And Your fury, according to the fear that is due You?

¹²So teach us to number our days,

That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.

I ponder a bit more at the twelfth verse than the ones before it. I struggle with living more intentionally. Ideas and plans sound great in theory, but sometimes can be tricky or scary in practice. Though, taking the time to healthily scrutinize whatever process I do, such as art, I am doing better in taking my time with it for the best results, especially through fun experimentation. Such balance between being a critic and a creative I see is such an important thing to have to be an artist of any sort. I just happen to be one that has a near 50-50 balance of my left and right brain.

One piece I'm working on for my carrd page that I am definitely putting more time I thought I would put in, I struggled to like it through its ugly phase. I''m not the most neatest person when it comes to line art or putting down flats, so that step needs some improvement for latter steps with shading and lighting to come at ease. However, tonight, it's coming around a bit better with defining the light source (which always saves my painting from being directionless). So, I come to have a stronger motive to finish it. Ain't it funny how defining the light in a work like art actually gives it guidance in the definition of the subject. Sounds like another Artist I know.

Clippy raising a little heart to hear someone from above in an old Windows 95 browser window.

Makes me think I should implement prayer a bit more in my process (which I do) but prayers of joy rather than anxious ones through the ugly phase.

mood: contemplative
music: Good Medicine Way

When I was in middle school, I used to draw David a bit here and there, usually as a shepherd boy. I never really drew him as a king and a soldier. Perhaps I was more so interested in David's piety and care for his sheep back then in relation to my own age at that time. I've only ever drawn David as an adult once, and that was from a mere sketch last year...

In the meantime, I've been working on some art related things, including getting some profiles on some other sites that I'll probably link onto here sometime soon. Though, I must admit I like the quietness of Dreamwidth. Social media has its changes in what people get out of it as well as how people feel emboldened from certain behaviors fueled from what we really value. As for me, I'm a bit too tired (and maybe it's me just being grown and Christian) that I choose my battles carefully in the form of not interacting with folks with bad intentions, period. The battle is not mine; it's the Lord's. Don't try me because I haven't been saved all my life. Try Jesus instead. Though, trying him may result in being transformed, and that's why some are afraid of doing so.

mood: chipper
music: The New Evangelicals

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