Relief in Making the First Step
Tuesday, July 30th, 2024 21:15![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hermenoodle It's been awhile, yet again. I've definitely had a better time this month, even though it's been wild here in America.
Despite some tragedy as of late, I've been taking care of my mental and emotional health better. One act of self care that I had been neglecting today that was so easy to do in less than 10 minutes was to sketch (with a brush) out a painting that I've left alone for months. Knowing that it'll dry very quickly overnight will definitely help me tomorrow or soon this week to handle the midtones.
Otherwise, I think even this step has helped me to see that overthinking how something will be versus the reality of creating and doing it is not the same as performing the action in itself. Mentally, I can see myself doing it and checking it off in my head, but knowing that it's not physically done actually makes me emotionally beat myself up and judge myself harshly for not being a person of my word to me. Man, anxiety knows how to twist one's mindset. James' words from his letter lowkey haunts me, but I think God's word is supposed to challenge me not to merely do better for the sake of self improvement. Scripture and the Spirit together is supposed to help me change out of love, not by making myself compete against myself in any way. The old has passed away; the new has come.
As far as my art goes, I am trying to not side eye myself from how I've resumed my SVS assignments rather imperfectly. It is making me realize that I do like drawing much larger than I make myself comfortable with, so I need to put some of my big sketch paper to good use! I've been so used to using my smaller sketchbooks, so I think switching them around more often may help me to see and observe better. On top of that, I need to pace myself into the steps of how I paint and draw so that I can properly and consistently be reliable with commissions...hopefully soon, if I can make myself get back into marketing and posting more often.
Despite some tragedy as of late, I've been taking care of my mental and emotional health better. One act of self care that I had been neglecting today that was so easy to do in less than 10 minutes was to sketch (with a brush) out a painting that I've left alone for months. Knowing that it'll dry very quickly overnight will definitely help me tomorrow or soon this week to handle the midtones.
Otherwise, I think even this step has helped me to see that overthinking how something will be versus the reality of creating and doing it is not the same as performing the action in itself. Mentally, I can see myself doing it and checking it off in my head, but knowing that it's not physically done actually makes me emotionally beat myself up and judge myself harshly for not being a person of my word to me. Man, anxiety knows how to twist one's mindset. James' words from his letter lowkey haunts me, but I think God's word is supposed to challenge me not to merely do better for the sake of self improvement. Scripture and the Spirit together is supposed to help me change out of love, not by making myself compete against myself in any way. The old has passed away; the new has come.
As far as my art goes, I am trying to not side eye myself from how I've resumed my SVS assignments rather imperfectly. It is making me realize that I do like drawing much larger than I make myself comfortable with, so I need to put some of my big sketch paper to good use! I've been so used to using my smaller sketchbooks, so I think switching them around more often may help me to see and observe better. On top of that, I need to pace myself into the steps of how I paint and draw so that I can properly and consistently be reliable with commissions...hopefully soon, if I can make myself get back into marketing and posting more often.
